Calling 911

For the first time in my life

This is the story of the time I called 9-1-1 for real for the first time in my life. I had just put dinner on the stove, which consisted of throwing some frozen chicken meat and vegetables into a steamer on the stove top for 15 minutes. Knowing I would kill the time with a quick drive, I put a little extra water in the steamer so if I were gone longer than expected it would just keep steaming. I've done this before, and the timer always seems to go off when I'm still a few miles from home. But at the last second I decided to add a lot of extra water, just in case. Just in case.

Then I went out for a nice quick drive. I was back on Gulf Hill Rd almost home (running late as expected), when I saw a pile of trash on the side of the road up ahead that looked exactly like a woman lying on her side. As I approached it I looked closely so I could see what kind of trash looks exactly like a lady lying on her side. When I got to it, I saw that it actually WAS a woman lying on her side. As if she had lain down to take a little nap right there on the grass by the side of the road. As I drove past I thought how odd that was, that a woman should just lie down in a place like that. But I quickly realized it was more than odd. Something was very wrong. I looked in my mirror and she was still lying there. I thought probably an older lady had been bent over weeding the flower bed and fainted or something. I had that brief moment thinking that probably the next person who comes along will stop and help her, but in an instant I knew that I had to turn around and be that person.

I spun around, and then the funniest things went through my head as I drove back to her. I was thinking, how long is this going to take? What am I getting involved in here? I still have dinner on the stove, and it's overdue already. And then there's just the awkwardness, and frankly anxiety of approaching a non-responsive total stranger and deal with whatever is going on. I mean like, am I going to have to give her mouth-to-mouth? I did have 1st aid training when I was a life guard. 40 years ago. But I still generally knew basically what to do, and more importantly, what not to do.

I pulled over and put my flashers on. I approached her, calling out to her with no response. As I got right up to her I could see she was convulsing. Believe it or not this was a good sign. It meant that she was still alive and breathing. She was nowhere near a flower bed or anything else. I figured she was probably out for a walk and suddenly had a seizure. It was still a serious situation, but not life-threatening. I knew she would probably come out of it on her own with time. I actually didn't even bother to check her pulse. I just whipped out my phone and dialed 9-1-1.

Of course I had trouble with the device. For starters, it's been falling apart ever since I paid it off in full last month, and one of the problems is intermittent trouble with the audio. I wanted to go to speaker phone, but it was all different from how I normally do it. I think the iPhone recognizes it's a 9-1-1- call and changes the user interface. All I know was I couldn't tell if I was on speaker, or even if someone had answered the call or not. I was totally discombobulated. Why the fuck did everything have to be totally different the one time I really really need to use the phone in a hurry??? Was there really a user experience engineer at Apple who decided you put it on speaker this way every time, but if it's an emergency and you're totally distracted then you put it on speaker in an entirely different way???

While I'm struggling with my phone, the people who live in the house we were in front of are calling up from the back yard, "What's going on up there?" like we're up to no good.

"We've got a situation here!" I called back. "Could use a little help."

They came up to assist. It was a couple about my age. The husband knelt down beside her with me. "Did you hit her?" he asked.

"NO!" I said, a bit indignant. "I drove by and saw her lying here." Although the way I was parked it totally looked like I could have.

But now I finally have the 9-1-1 guy on the phone. I've always wanted to talk to a 9-1-1 operator. I mean, I haven't been hoping to come upon an emergency scene. But with my 1st aid training I know the questions they're going to ask, and whenever I see it on TV the caller is always hysterical. Let's say I took pride in being able to calmly, concisely and accurately answer each question he asked me using accurate terminology. At one point the woman stopped convulsing and I could visibly see her breathing. I thought maybe she was coming out of the seizure. But then she started convulsing again. By the way, this whole time I'm thinking that I still have dinner on the stove. I'm not sure how I knew enough to put extra water in the steamer so it could go a long time, but it was sure good I did. Still, it had been an extra long time by now. I feared if I didn't get back soon that I'd have to call 9-1-1 for the second time in my life to put out my kitchen fire.

But the 9-1-1 guy was done with the call anyway, and said someone would be there any minute. I told the homeowner next to me that I really did have to go home and shut off the stove. He said he had the situation under control. The woman had stopped convulsing and he was actually now starting to get murmur responses from her. So I got back in the car. Just as I pulled away the EMS guy showed up. He wasn't in an ambulance. He just had a normal SUV with a flashing blue light on it. In my mirror I saw him pulling his med kit out as he exited his vehicle. 0.2mi later I'm back at my house. The steamer had not run out of water. Dinner was a little mushy, but all was well. That's it. I can't think of a pithy 1-liner to close with.

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