1981 Subaru 4WD Wagon At one point I went through a phase where I thought it would be a good idea to have a 4WD car. I'd grown up in the frozen regions of New York State, so driving in slippery conditions was nothing new to me. But I'd since moved further south in the state, and traveling back and forth to points north had become problematic. In the zone immediately east of Lake Ontario, "lake effect" snow was common and severe. Frequent trips to my parents' house and fraternity were taking their toll on me. I'd lost my nerve, and found myself unwilling to travel much outside Ithaca in the winter months.One day I went out looking for a 4WD car. Of course I was way too cheap to buy anything new. I first considered the old AMC Eagles. They were little more than modernized Hornets with Jeep 4WD components. I quickly ruled them out. Then one day I found a decrepit old Subaru wagon. All the front-end trim was gone and had been replaced by an absurd fiberglass cob-job. The front bumper had been fabricated from a 2x4. It was an utterly ridiculous prospect, which made it quite appealing to me. The guy only wanted a couple hundred bucks for it. It was in running condition, but it didn't have plates so I couldn't take it for a test drive. I did back it around the shoulder where it lay. That wasn't much, but was enough for me to hear the severe rattling of the totally shot CV joints. Somehow I wasn't deterred. I came back a few days later, gave the guy his money, slapped plates on it, and drove away. I took it to the local GoodYear for them to give it a standard evaluation. The technician just shook his head. I figured I'd drive it for a little while until I figured I'd gotten my money out of it and then ditch it. It was in such bad shape I knew it would never suit my needs as a winter road-trip vehicle. I drove it a bit in the winter, but the bald tires totally countered any benefits from the 4WD. It was the following summer that I bought my house out in the country. I drove the car out as a standard part of the migration of my fleet of vehicles to the new location. Knowing I'd be taking the plates off as soon as I parked it, I went up the road to fill it with gas one last time. Going over railroad tracks on the way back, it felt like it was going to just fly off the road. I figure it was a combination of bad shocks and bald tires. Once back at my new property, it did serve a purpose briefly as a mud buggy in the road I was establishing on the perimeter of my new farm field. It was at this point that I really started getting my money out of it. Although it didn't really serve any purpose driving me around back there, it was fun. Then one day I went out to fire it up but the battery was dead. I got out my battery charger which had a high-amp jump start setting. I hooked up the cables and tried to crank it. I think the positive contact may have arc'd to the body. I turned the ignition key and there was like a "thunk" noise. When I returned the key from the start position, the windshield wipers were flicking back and forth. I turned the ww switch on, and they kept moving. I turned the ww switch off and the windshield wipers stopped moving. I twisted the key again and there was another "thunk" noise. When I returned the key, the windshield wipers were moving again. Another on-off flick of the control switch and they stopped moving again. Whatever I'd done, I figured the electrics were seriously scrambled now. I put away the charger and forgot about ever driving the car again. A couple years later at one of my infamous Summer Solstice parties, I got out all the old cans of spray paint I'd found in the basement when I'd moved in and encouraged my friends to paint the car. It was a great party game. The car now sits out in the back of my property with all the other dead vehicles I've collected. It essentially serves as a weather-proof storage locker. If I ever get really bored I might throw a charged battery in and see if I can get it fired up again. By the time of this writing, however, I've had way too many other automotive priorities to even consider it.
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